The worrisome questions
Recently, during a sports training session, I fell down on the ground
and injured myself. There was a cut on my face near the chin. It was quite
painful and there was bleeding for some time. Though it was painful I managed
to hide the pain and did not show much emotion as there were people around and
also I felt that it was necessary as I am a grownup and it would be very silly
and embarrassing to express my pain. My friend took me to a nearby clinic and I
had a look at the injured mark in a mirror. The cut was a little bigger than I
had thought and suddenly I started panicking thinking that the mark would never
go and it will be there on my face always. In the past, I have suffered more
serious injuries which had caused bigger cut marks but I hadn’t bothered much
because it was either on my hands or legs, but not on my face.
As the doctor was treating my wound, she kept telling me what I need to
do over the next few days to reduce my pain, and I wasn’t really listening. I
waited for her to finish speaking and once she did I asked her what needs to be
done for the cut mark to go, and also I asked her very specifically if the mark
would ever go. She smiled and replied that the wound is not as serious as it looks,
and the mark would go over the period of time. Over the next few days, whomever
I met, be it my friends, colleagues, relatives etc. I showed them my wound and
kept asking them the same 2 questions; if the mark would go, and how long would
it take for the mark to vanish completely. When someone advised me on what
needs to be done for reducing the pain, I ignored their advice, but when
someone had some suggestion for the mark, I was all ears.
A similar instance
I have not been able to concentrate much on my work and other activities
for almost a week now. In fact, I have stopped my sports training as well
since I have the fear in my mind if I would injure myself again. Yesterday as I
was lying down and was aimlessly looking at the ceiling, I remembered an
instance from my childhood days. I was about 8 years old and I had fallen down
while playing cricket. I had a cut on my forehead. I remembered I cried a lot
as the pain was unbearable. As I was being treated by my family doctor, I saw the wound
in a mirror and I could see a big cut mark, but it didn’t bother me much as the pain
had reduced because of the treatment. I even asked the doctor if I could go back and play.
The change in the way of thinking
I tried to connect this incident with the injury that I suffered a few
days ago. As a kid, we had always displayed the right emotions at the right
time. If we were unable to bear a pain then we cried, if we were unable to
handle or manage something then we became sad, in simple words if something was
beyond our physical or mental toleration level then we ended up displaying our
emotions without worrying about what others would think. As kids, we never
tried to suppress our emotions.
Now, as an adult, we have become so cautious in the way we react to each
and everything. We hold ourselves back and suppress our emotions thinking that
is exactly what an adult needs to do. Even if something goes beyond our
toleration level we still bear it and make sure that we control our emotions
because our way of thinking has changed now. The way we display our emotions
and the time when we display it depends on others around us and the way they
see us.
As a kid, I cried because the pain was unbearable and I was not worried
about other kids laughing at me seeing me cry. As an adult, I controlled my
pain and suppressed my emotion because I was worried about what others would
think of me. As a kid, the mark on my face didn’t worry me and I wanted to get
back to playing almost immediately after the wound was treated. As an adult, I
spent a whole week worrying about the mark on my face since it’s the face of a
person that people always see and as adults, we have become so cautious about
the way we look which in reality is completely insignificant.
Time to unleash
We don’t have to look at others for inspiration always. We just need to rewind time and look at our little selves. Remember, we were kids at one point in time for whom what mattered the most was his own thinking and feelings. This kid has not vanished but is hidden somewhere deep within us. We only need to search for him and bring him out. And the day this happens, we will be able to lead a happier and peaceful life.
Author Name - Vinod Balan (Member of Play2Discover NGO)
Author Email Id - vinod.balan883@gmail.com
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